Mixed Emotions

Today was Open House at Covenant Academy where Brett will be going to 4K on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I have been looking forward to this for about a year now, because I thought it would be the perfect solution to his need for constant entertainment and stimulation! I mean, the child wakes up every morning and climbs into my bed and asks "Where we goin today, Momma?" or "Who's coming over today, Momma?" He is a people person and loves to go go go just like his daddy.
His birthday is late in August, and everyone in the world recommends holding back boys with late birthdays, so this 3 day 4K seems to be the ideal solution. We plan to let him repeat 4K next year and go all 5 days.
Last year he went once a week to a MMO and fell in love with his teachers and classmates. Often he would ask "Am I going to school today?" so I know he will adjust fine to going 3 days a week......I just wonder if I will adjust.
As soon as I walked into his classroom today, I felt this huge lump form in my throat and my eyes start to burn a little. I was not believing I was getting emotional! Number one, because it's freakin Open House, not like I was even leaving him. Number two, because I never cried when I dropped him off for MMO. What's the deal?
I'll tell ya what the deal is. It's Big Boy School. I thought I was ready but I'm not. It's the beginning of him really growing up and leaving me. Ok, well, maybe not leaving me, we do have several more years before college!! But......I mean like leaving me emotionally. His entire life I have been his most favorite person in the entire world. I have been his entire world. I can't go anywhere by myself. He loves to just be in the same room as me. And yes, there are days where it just about drives me completely NUTS, but now there's no turning back time and re-living them. From the moment he was born, all I have heard from people was to cherish the moments because they grow up so fast. Well, I have taken their advice. I have taken a gazillion pictures, I have filmed and filmed. I have just sat in a chair and stared at them and told myself to remember this moment. But ya know what? It doesn't make a difference. The moments are gone. I can look at pictures and video, but I can't go back and rock him or hold him as a baby. And that means that pretty soon I won't have him following me around asking me the same question 4 times and preferring me over everyone else.........and that makes me cry again. The years have gone by so fast already and it makes me sad that I can't slow them down.
So tomorrow begins his journey into school days. I'm sure I will have the cameras out and will be talking it up to Brett about how much fun he's going to have at school. But inside I will be holding back the tears, hoping he won't see, because I know that when he walks into that classroom, he'll be walking a little further away from his world of always wanting and needing and adoring mommy.